Dating Married Men: A Muslim Perspective
Is dating a married man right or wrong? Instinctively, most of you would go for the obvious answer: wrong. But you may be as surprised as I was to hear that some women think otherwise.
Ah, why is that surprising you may ask? Since there are plenty of women out there with no ethics (some may say) who choose to steal another woman’s man in order to satisfy whatever needs they have; may they be physical, emotional or psychological needs.
You will be surprised to hear that the type of woman I am talking about today, and the reason responsible for my disbelief, is the fact that this woman is in fact Muslim. Yes, yes I know, not all Muslim women are practicing and are 100% committed to everything their faith tells them to do; but this woman is.
In fact, she wears the head scarf, prays five times a day, and has sound morals and family values. So I asked myself: “How can someone of her description think it isn’t wrong to date a married man?” Well, here’s her answer. And I must admit that I wasn’t prepared for what she was about to say. But what I wasn’t prepared for even more is to actually feel that her explanation made sense.
“Men are allowed to marry four women in Islam so technically he’s not cheating on his wife (as long as he’s not having sex with the other woman), this is like him trying to pick out a new wife,” she said.
If you believe in this perspective of Islam which allows a man to have four wives as long as he can treat them all equally on all levels, then you’re very likely to agree with the above quote.
She said that she doesn’t feel guilty dating those men, and that it is a really nice feeling to have all their attention since their wife is not getting any of it, so all their focus is on her.
Her explanation made sense to me up until she said that all his attention went to her instead of his wife, which brings me to my next point: her reasoning for dating a married man was now invalid by the fact that this married man gives all his attention to her and not his wife.
Now, as I mentioned earlier the only way you’re allowed to have four wives is if you’re able to equally take care of them all. Well, this just proves that some are incapable of doing so, therefore dating other women while married would be wrong.
I can guarantee you that once he gets his second wife he will soon lose interest in her and then move onto the third then fourth wife. And if he gets fed up with all four then he can get rid of them and get four more in their place.
It feels like a game to me. It’s the same as drinking: not everyone can handle a drink or two.
I, in no way, support the notion of having a man marry four women at the same time. How could you be with someone knowing he’s being intimate with someone else? In fact, it was only yesterday that I Facebooked about it criticizing women who allow themselves to be in such a relationship. So it was only very ironic to have this conversation on the following day.
Although I disagree with her opinion I still feel that if a married man is dating another woman for that purpose he should at least inform his wife of what he’s getting up to. It’s only fair after all if he really has no ulterior motives or a hidden agenda.
I suppose this can only apply to Muslim married men then. Sorry to disappoint married men from all other faiths who were thinking of doing the same thing.
Still, I don’t get it; if a man is unhappy in his marriage why is it so hard for him to walk away? Trust me, even if children are involved in that relationship you do not want them growing up in such an unhealthy environment, with terrible influences in their lives: cheaters.
But, who do we blame in this scenario? The man or woman? After all they’re both having an affair. They’re both hurting the same person. They’re both in the wrong.
I know that you might be wondering: “Well, what about married women who cheat?” That’s for another article.
But I’d like to hear what YOU think. Have you ever dated a married man? What do you think of Muslim and other married men and women who do?